MARIA MAGDELEINA

writer, podcaster, child of God

Today in India is Holi, which is also called the “festival of colours.” It marks the end of winter, the beginning of spring, as well as overcoming evil, and celebrating what’s good. It’s like a “forgive and forget” and “move on and live, laugh, love” kind of day. As someone who wants to write a blog post every day of the month of March, I can’t help but think this topic is the best way to start this month.

I have lately felt the urge to wear, add, and eat more colours in my life. This year, I’m being much more healthier than I was last year, and my meals now consist of colourful vegetables that are a contrast to the meatless burger I cook, and that is such a refreshing things for not only my body, but also for me. Moreover, my room has always been “neutral.” In other words, it’s not colourful, but the nude-coloured walls and furniture are covered with Polaroids, postcards, papers, books, notebooks, etc. I therefore eat and have added more colours in my life.

I still feel bleh. I am honestly out of words, but what I am trying to say is the following: I am changing more and more each day, and somehow, events of the past keep coming back in my mind and make me sad, dark, black, grey, brown… I’m quite exhausted to feel and (literally) wear and even be surrounded by these dark, depressive colours. Black might be chic, but I’m sick of it.

I mean, I’m attracted to black and white photography for instance, but I feel like the characters in The Giver (super good book by the way!). They live and see in black and white because the dystopian world they live in is banned from colours for some reason (sorry, I read it twice a long time ago, I know I should know the details, but I unfortunately don’t :P). Only one person can: the Giver. Anyway, my point is not this book.

As an artist, or as a content creator, it is inevitable for me to use and play with colours on a daily basis. I draw my inspiration from cool bright colours, but somehow it’s sometimes difficult to incorporate warm, flashy, shiny colours into my artwork because of the emotions I’m feeling at a specific moment. If I’m feeling sad, then my Instagram feed will reflect that. See examples below.

My Dark Insta Feed

I am however growing tired of feeling scared, non-confident, weak, boring, tired, or “emo” lol. And it’s hard to not resent these things because I am still growing, learning, accepting I’m not perfect, and trying to know what I want in my life, how I want to present myself, my image, or my brand, etc.. The world tells us nonetheless to make a (realistic) choice ASAP, or even NOW, in your early twenties. I hence feel like I have to split myself in two personalities, but to keep up with both is not what I signed up for.

But who said I needed to split myself in two? Who said I needed to represent myself in (only) one or another? Who said I can’t always wear colours? Who said I have to choose between colours and black and white?

No one, really.

The only important things to decide on are my beliefs, my values, my priorities, my goals, etc., but the rest is superficial. From now on, I’ll burn the labels, put the past aside (the number of times I’ve said that though…), and add colours to my life.

But what colours? My favourite colour is the bright yellow of the sun. I need its vitamin D, its golden morning to start my day anew, its positivity that doesn’t scream for attention – it’s just present, without having to raise its voice. What I actually need though is the Creator of this colour and all other colours: God.

Let’s go back to the subject of Holi, the colourful Indian festival. If I were celebrating Holi today (I would, I’m just stuck at work… excuses, I know), I’d be wearing a white outfit, pray to God to wash away my sins with rain, and ask Him to spray me with colours.

Yellow = Sun

Pink = Love

Blue = Peace

Green = Kindness

Then I’d want the colours of the cross: His blood. I just want to remember it, appreciate His love and suffering for human kind. I want to remember the blood shed on the cross to remember communion.

Yes, I want these colours to bring me in communion with Him.

You see, when I read the word “Holi,” I couldn’t help but read “Holy”.

*I am not changing the Indian culture and I am not appropriating this culture as I want. I am just explaining how I relate to this festival.*

Therefore, to me, this cycle of sins being washed by God-sent rain, and of acquiring Christianity’s colours through grace, is being Holy again, a baptism, a renewal of the mind, a new beginning…

It’s spring.

I got to go now and wear some rad colours and soak up the sun (if it ain’t too shy to come out!).

See ya in another post.

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