Church… When I was younger, it felt like church wasn’t always there for me. I was however living in an utmost ignorance. The church was never about finding a clique in an ordinary building. It wasn’t a community club for which you pay a monthly membership. It was never meant to be a place that was supposed to make you happy always. I was spiritually immature and extremely far in my knowledge of the purpose of the church, or should I say, the Church.
(more…)Tag: christianity
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To the ones that made me feel like home for five days straight, that made me promise to never change who I am, that loved my sense of humour, that have golden and open hearts, that warmly welcomed us, that cook super well, that encouraged me to serve, that are bold in their faith, that were our second or third mothers to us, that have a height I look up to, that can sing, draw, and be talented like no one else, that are soft in their manners like doves, that are funnier than America’s best comedians, that share a passion for books, that are little innocent geniuses, that have the best semi-broken Arabic, that know how to read Arabic and Coptic (props to youuuuu), that are wannabe Montrealers, and that are amazing travelling companions… this article is for you.
Last week, I embarked on a short spiritual trip. I had no idea, not even the slightest clue on what to expect. No one told me what we were going to do, nor what to expect from a week at a monastery. I didn’t even know who from church was going to the trip. And you know what? Not knowing anything led to the best surprise ever.
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French translation follows
I hadn’t done this in a long time: laying down on the soft grass, looking up to the bright blue ceiling God created during the first days of Genesis.
Instead of taking pictures, I decided to take a break, breathe and pay attention to every detail.
I felt safe and calm and at peace. Not one thought came to mind as soon as I started focusing on nature, God’s perfect, organized beauty.
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How to accept having a broken hip, just like Jacob?
Honestly, I don’t know. I tried to make myself feel better by comparing myself to other people, but it made me feel so much worse. I was either envying people with perfectly amazing lives, or judging them without wanting to judge them, just to make sure I didn’t mess up too bad, or crossed the line. But the problem is that I mess up badly everyday. Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel like disappearing.
After comparing myself to others, I looked up stories of saints and prophets from the Bible. I did feel less alone, but that didn’t change anything. I still felt horrible because I didn’t and still don’t have their faith. Because I couldn’t accept my mistakes, I felt doomed, almost destined to be broken. (more…)
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Last week, after I was done work, I tried calling my parents, but none of them picked up the phone.
Then I thought of calling any of my friends, but I knew they wouldn’t pick up as well: blame it on the busy life.
But then again, they might not necessarily be busy. They might not be my friends after all.
And when those people don’t pick up, I usually call you because I know you will. You always have time for any of your loved ones.
But as I was starting to dial your number, I realized you won’t pick up the phone.
MARIA MAGDELEINA 