How to accept having a broken hip, just like Jacob?

Honestly, I don’t know. I tried to make myself feel better by comparing myself to other people, but it made me feel so much worse. I was either envying people with perfectly amazing lives, or judging them without wanting to judge them, just to make sure I didn’t mess up too bad, or crossed the line. But the problem is that I mess up badly everyday. Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel like disappearing.

After comparing myself to others, I looked up stories of saints and prophets from the Bible. I did feel less alone, but that didn’t change anything. I still felt horrible because I didn’t and still don’t have their faith. Because I couldn’t accept my mistakes, I felt doomed, almost destined to be broken. (more…)